


The Depths

by yetnotyet



Category: PRISTIN (Band)
Genre: F/F, a bit of angst, a lot of water/feeling parallels, and cool friendships, sungyewon if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 23:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18187049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yetnotyet/pseuds/yetnotyet
Summary: Taking in the water, the cold doesn't bother Kyungwon. Or so, she wishes it would, for the cold maybe would numb the pain she feels aching in her heart and spreading down her limbs like fireburn.





	The Depths

"Faster! Come on, you can be faster than that! Are you tired? Huh, Kang? Are you tired?? Come on! Swim! Swim!"

 

Her arms go as fast as they can. Her entire being is burning, muscles begging her to stop, and not even the cold water can help set out the fire. But Kyungwon keeps on going, her eyes focusing on the other side of the pool.

 

She turns and takes impulse. Kyungwon can feel her legs numbing out but she won't stop. Not right now, not when her coach is staring, expecting the best from her. She dives head on to it, trying to not be greedy with catching her breath, reaching for the other end.

 

Her fingers touch the tiles and a whistle rings in her ears as her lungs burn for an endless source of air. Kyungwon feels slight confusion as she pushes down the swimming goggles and looks around.

 

"Better, Kang. But you can do more." He says simply, and walks away from the pool.

 

Kyungwon sighs and brushes droplets of water from her face, exhausted to hell and back. She takes a second to cool off, removing her cap and diving down once again, but without the pressure of time pushing her almost over the edge.

 

As she resurfaces, a familiar figure turns up, arms crossed over her chest and a smirk drawn on lips.

 

"'You can do more' again, huh." Minkyung makes full use of her sarcastic air quotes, laughing when she sees Kyungwon is clearly huffing in distaste. "When are you gonna stop letting him push you around for his golden trophy?"

 

She doesn't answer the question; Minkyung is not surprised. Even so, she would rather not speak about those kinds of subjects, as the girl didn't budge ever so slightly when talking about them either.

 

"You haven't been training your timing?" Kyungwon asks instead of trying to respond to Minkyung's antics.

 

"No. I was actually… I was thinking about quitting."

 

Kang Kyungwon lets her expressions speak for her. She's shocked, sad… she's angry. She's way too angry to speak, let alone state her opinions. It's dangerous, and not even the cold water can calm her. Her fingers are compressing, forming into fists. She can't tell if the drops in her face are the pool's or forming from her eyes.

 

One second, Kyungwon is strutting up the ladder. She ignores the towel waiting for her by the pool and pushes Minkyung by the shoulders with wavering strength.

 

"Quitting the swimming team? Are you fucking serious?" Kyungwon pushes her again, and Kim Minkyung lets herself be pushed. It's easy for her to realize the girl is on edge, and there's nothing she can do to settle her down.

 

She feels the drops of water fly from Kyungwon's body to hers; shivers pop from one place to another, but otherwise she is numb.

 

Kang Kyungwon pushes her a third time, then stops. She is looking down, and water is still dripping from her tousled, dark hair.

 

"Why?" The swimmer looks up again, and this time it's Minkyung who can't bare to look her in the eyes.

 

She wants an answer, and Minkyung doesn't have one. Not one which could satisfy her, at the very least, and so, she stays quiet for a while.

 

"I gave my suit to coach Kwon. I hope you'll understand."

 

Minkyung leaves.

 

And Kyungwon is once broken-hearted.

 

[...]

 

"Do you not regret it?" Sungyeon asks, but Minkyung is too busy tuning her guitar to pay attention to the girl.

 

The group is scattered across the practice room; Kyla is in a corner practicing her syllables with Yebin, and Kyulkyung and Eunwoo are apparently having a typing competition on her computer; they're probably using Minkyung's account, too. Not like she minds, anyway.

 

The truth is there's not much Minkyung actually minds, these days. She's too disconnected, either from reality or from anything that has to do with facing the cold, hard truth. She's made a mistake for listening to her brain, and now her heart has to pay the price.

 

A string snaps, cutting the skin right above her cheekbone in the process. Minkyung hisses, placing her index right above the cut, feeling the blood seep from the slit and slide through her cheek.

 

"Jesus fucking-" She curses under her breath, and before she can get up in a hurry to the nearest bathroom, Sungyeon hands her the handkerchief she owns.

 

"You are a mess, Minky. A mess, indeed." The girl shakes her head as Minkyung applies pressure to the bleeding.

 

Minkyung sighs, and nods. "Can't argue with that. Do you have a spare Mi?"

 

"In my backpack. I'll go get it for you, you won't be escaping me! We will cover Red Velvet seniors even if you have to do it from your grave!" Sungyeon exclaims as she gets up from her seat, staring at her friend with dangerous intent. Minkyung shrugs it off, she's used to it by now.

 

She takes a deep breath, and grimaces with the stinging pain in her cheek. Still, it's not even close in level with the pain she's feeling buried in her chest.

 

It has been one week since she quit the team, and even without having to dive any more, Minkyung still catches herself itching for real oxygen, like she is drowning continuously. It is dark, deep down, and it gets darker each and every second.

 

Doesn't work trying to push it away, Kyungwon's smug grin seems to have been tattooed to her mind.

 

Deep down, she's still in love with her. And Minkyung hates how that love still manages to resurface no matter how much she tries to drown it.

 

[...]

 

It's a Saturday night. With the competition that reigned in her blood since the day she was born, Kyungwon should be training right now, but she is not. Instead, Kyungwon finds herself in a random club across campus, sipping a marguerita.

 

She feels like crying, to be honest. But instead, Kyungwon gets up, finishes what's left of her drink, and sways her body to the beat in the middle of the dance floor. She feels the blood rushing through her head, is sure her ears are burning red. Kyungwon can hear the pool calling for her, with its cooling waves. But arms snake through her waist before she can even think of striding off to throw herself in its hold.

 

"Alone?" The voice whispers in her ear, and for a moment, Kyungwon thinks she's gonna run away, because those eyes remind her of Minkyung's. Devilish, young, carefree.

 

She doesn't. Instead, Kyungwon nods. They're swaying together now, hips connected, and she can feel her warm breath touch her chin.

 

"Good. I was hoping so." The girl smiles, and kisses her while they're still swaying. There's a whirlwind of thoughts on Kyungwon's mind, but they all fade away as alcohol and lust take over.

 

The kiss deepens, and she throws herself into the waves, surrendering for once, even though her heart is still broken.

 

[...]

 

Fingers slide through the keys, uncertain. She is sure there is something that wants to come out, perhaps stumbling down, like the mess Minkyung has been feeling inside her heart for almost a month now. She's not sure why, but one thought crosses her mind.

 

_Why do we love to hurt so much?_

 

The blinking bar after the interrogation mark taunts her. Minkyung erases the words, frustrated, but the phrase is still inside her head, like it is true. It isn't, is it?

 

But why does it feel like it is?

 

Minkyung shakes her head, as if the thoughts are gonna come out like water that's been stuck inside her ear after a long swim.

 

The water. The water, something she's been missing for a long time. Maybe one simple dive won't hurt. Perhaps it will help clear her mind.

 

She closes the laptop, and gets up. Minkyung regrets giving her swimming suit to coach Kwon now. But it's ok, she thinks she has another one, probably violently thrown inside her drawer somewhere…

 

Minkyung's eyes widen. She pulls the soft fabric with her fingers, suddenly being rushed with memories. Her sight is focused on the small, but unmissable pin of an umbrella that is stuck to the neck-string of her old suit. The blue of the fabric has already faded out quite a bit, but the pin is intact, like it has never been touched, shining new.

 

Tears wet her t-shirt before she can notice them falling. It is like time has frozen, and instead, been replaced by old things Minkyung thought she would never remember again. Things she once wanted to forget, because they hurt.

 

Now, she finds herself reminiscing, looking into two girls shielding themselves from the rain under one single umbrella, staring with pure amazement as it poured down.

 

_Kyungwon held the umbrella firmly between her fingers. She did not want for a second, to lose her grip on it and let Minkyung receive a single drop of that seemingly freezing water that fell from the skies. But even with the cold weather, her heart felt warm, and she knew exactly why._

_Minkyung smiled, staring at clouds. "Isn't it beautiful? The gray sky."_

_"Why do you think so?" Kyungwon asked, curious._

_"Because… because it's how we know it's gonna turn blue again. If the sky was never gray, how would we appreciate it when it is blue?"_

_"You're a poet, Minky." She smiled, and Minkyung smiled back, a little shy after the compliment. Her cheeks were raised up all the way, and Kyungwon thought, for sure, she was the most beautiful girl._

_"Am I?" Minkyung laughed, and shook her head. "Nah, I'm just stating facts."_

_"True, but… the way you speak is so beautiful. Just like you." The compliment slipped past her lips, and for once, she didn't take it back. For a moment, she thought Minkyung was going to hit her for being cheesy, but she didn't. Instead, she turned her whole body to face her, and in that small umbrella, her face was really close. Close enough she could see her sparkling eyes._

_Kyungwon reached first, and kissed the corner of her lips. It tasted sweet, even for a short-lived kiss, and her heart somersaulted inside its rib cage._

_Minkyung was flustered, but Kyungwon had no chance to notice this, as the girl ran out from the safety of the umbrella to the rain, not stopping even once to look back._

_[...]_

_Not a surprising thing to say, Minkyung got sick. She had no strength to leave her bed, and kept herself confined inside her room, refusing to slide out of her covers._

_A knock sounded on the door, and thinking it was her mother again, Minkyung yelled for her to leave with what little voice she had left. But the door opened, and it wasn't mom, ready to force more chicken soup down her throat._

_It was Kyungwon._

_Despite last events, the girl had a wide smile on her lips, which weirded Minkyung out. Kyungwon didn't mind the girl's expression one bit, approaching with the same smile._

_"That's what you get for running straight into freezing freaking rain." Kyungwon shook her head disapprovingly and Minkyung snickered._

_"Yeah, I got my karma." She answered, her voice laced with sickness, and coughed, as if to prove a point._

_Kyungwon could only laugh, but her heart was aching to see someone she cared for deeply in that state of health. She sighed, and pulled something out of her pocket._

_"I got you this. It's from the convenience store so.. nothing fancy, but.. I think it's cool."_

_She handed Minkyung the pin, and laughed again at her expression._

_"Even with a gift, you're making fun of me.." Minkyung rolled her eyes, but removed the plastic packaging, looking at the umbrella pin with curiosity._

_"What does it mean?"_

_Kyungwon couldn't be more glad she asked._

_"Well, uh..." She laughed, trying to brush off the embarassment from taking over her body, and stood still with her hands behind her back, since they suddenly started trembling slightly. "It's to, uh, to show you I cherish it. You know, what happened on that day. Despite you running away… I don't regret it."_

_Minkyung kept looking at the pin, but this time, she was smiling._

_"Thanks. I'll figure out where to put it soon. I..."_

_She was going to say something else._

_"I really liked it."_

 

  
"I was going to say I liked her. I- fuck… are you serious, Kim Minkyung? You could have ended that, then and there! FUCK!"

 

She brushes back her hair, angered. This time she was sure… she was sure she needed that dive. Maybe for more than one minute.

 

Minkyung grabs the suit, anguish taking over her conscience, and leaves her room.

 

[...]

 

The thought of something wrong is the first one that crosses Kyungwon's mind when she wakes up alone in a stranger's bed. Her clothes are scattered across the floor, but that's not what throws Kyungwon off; it's the fact that she has been inside this room before. And not just once. No, she has been in this room a couple times, enough to know where all the books were hidden, and where the snacks were stashed.

 

"Fuck. I slept with an undergraduate. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, a thousand times fuck." She whispers to herself, collecting her clothing one by one and practically jumping inside them.

 

Kyungwon realizes she's not ready for the walk of shame when she opens the door. There are three girls on the living room, one of them sitting on the couch, reading a book, and the two remaining are sitting on the floor, playing games on a PS4. One of them, Kyungwon knows very well.

 

"Uh..." Her hair is messy, and she regrets ever making her presence known as three pairs of eyes watch her. "I'm gonna leave now, k?"

 

"Bye, Kang Kyungwon senior!" The one with brown hair and bangs waves goodbye. Kyungwon answers the gesture awkwardly, and leaves as quickly as she can through the door.

 

Her head is booming as she walks around halls, not just with a headache, but with all the broken lines of thought circling inside it. Kyungwon feels the need to just lie down after arriving inside her dorm room, but on second thought, picks up her swimming suit, and leaves to the pool.

 

Kyungwon's steps are heavy as she walks inside the building, but she feels a certain peace of mind looking at the pool lights from inside the locker room.

 

Wait.

 

"Why are the lights on? There shouldn't be anyone here." Kyungwon mumbles to herself, and changes into her suit in a hurry. She doesn't even care to stuff her clothes inside a locker, kicking them under the benches and making her way to the pool.

 

At first, Kyungwon does not recognize the person swimming away, eyes closed, letting themselves be carried by the water. And then, when Kyungwon sees it, sees the unmistakable pin, everything clicks.

 

She wants to fade away, disappear, but Minkyung's eyes open and the girl sees her before Kyungwon can do anything.

 

"Hey." The word is the only thing that comes out of her mouth, and still, Minkyung never actually answers it. Perhaps because it's pointless to do so, perhaps because she doesn't want to start meaningless conversation when everything coming and going in and out of her mind is nothing short of complicated.

 

Rather than that, she wants to say something else, and no thunderstorm could stop the words from spilling out of her lips. It's the first time Minkyung does not hold back, despite Kyungwon believing the contrary.

 

"No matter how much I try, I can never escape you, huh."

 

Kyungwon is not sure how to feel about that. She heaves a long sigh, and crosses her arms. That's it, she's fed up with this. The bullshit excuses, the way Minkyung avoids her like the plague. It's tiring, and Kyungwon is done with any of it.

 

"Maybe you should just talk to me instead of running away, Minkyung."

 

The blow hits her the hardest, and even while the hurt is washing through Kyungwon in constants, she still manages to feel sorry.

 

"I don't know what I did wrong, and if I deserve this silence I'm sorry. But I can't fix anything when I don't know what's broken. Hell, I don't even know if I can fix it."

 

She crouches down by the pool, trying to catch Minkyung's avoiding eyes in her stare. It's hard to think when her thoughts are still much so, an whirlwind, and looking at the umbrella pin only makes it worse.

 

"You still have it. I thought you would have gotten rid of it by now, with the way you seem to hate me." Kyungwon laughs bitterly after saying the sentence. She hopes it's not too awkward between them now to make jokes.

 

"I couldn't hate you even if I tried, Kyungwon. You know that."

 

Kyungwon raises her eyebrows in doubt. She risks a foot inside the water, and it is warm. Her entire being is tempted to just dive in, but Kyungwon isn't sure she is ready to enter somewhere she knows she won't be able to escape if things get too rough. It's a dangerous risk she is not yet willing to take.

 

"Do I? Do I really know that? You haven't been stopping me from doubting it." Both feet of hers are inside the water, moving along the almost invisible waves. Kyungwon knows she would feel a lot calmer when she submerged, but it was like throwing a huge bait to a smart shark.

 

Oh, she knew how smart that shark was.

 

"Yeah, I know. I've been a huge bitch, thanks for reminding me. But have you ever considered how I was feeling? How- how fucking conflicted and confused to fucking hell and back I felt? No, I don't think so."

 

Kyungwon takes this in peacefully, nodding her head slowly… but she feels her heart race at every word. No, Minkyung was right. Kyungwon did not consider how she was feeling; her head was too busy theorizing and making a mess out of the smallest things.

 

She doesn't answer the rhetorical question, at least, not right away. Instead, Kyungwon's mind drifts to something that has been bothering her. She almost laughs at how ridiculous it is, but her heart disagrees fully. Worrying for Minkyung is never a ridiculous thing, and it never will be.

 

"I saw you one day - can't remember when. You were just passing by, but I noticed one thing. You had something on your cheek... I think a cut? Right here." Kyungwon placed her index on the exact spot in her own cheek, eyebrows raised.

 

It almost bothered Minkyung, with how precise she was. The girl laughs, rolls her eyes, and shakes her head, finding it ludicrous how Kyungwon managed to remember and pinpoint something that did not matter at all.

 

Except for her, it did. For Kyungwon, it always mattered when Minkyung got hurt, when she got upset, when she got angry…

 

Kyungwon cared for her, and the thought scared the hell out of Minkyung.

 

"Just another instance of Kim Minkyung being careless, Kyungwon. Maybe you would be used to it by now…?" Minkyung grinned sarcastically, brushing droplets of water away from her chin.

 

"Used to it? Maybe so. But worried. Always worried."

 

Minkyung sees how the girl is looking at her. She can almost read Kyungwon's mind.

 

Oh, I'm just here waiting for you to address this beautiful elephant in the room. Look, it's almost entering this pool!

 

She laughs at how weird, funny, and accurate the thought is. The girl would absolutely think that.

 

"It's cute." Minkyung mumbles, letting her hands create small waves which crash in Kyungwon's direction, like they're desperately trying to reach her, but are too weak to do so.

 

"What's cute?"

 

"You, thinking that I don't love you."

 

Kyungwon goes silent at that. Her expression has changed entirely, but Minkyung still can't read her. It's like she's an open wide book, but everything's in Latin.

 

"If you love me, why didn't you say so? We could have… we could have saved so much time, Minkyung… so why? Why?"

 

It's a genuine question, the one Kyungwon is asking, but she already knows the answer. It's time she gets the truth out of the girl. Actually, the time for that has been pretty much gone.

 

"Because I was fucking scared, of course. I was! And I still am! It's taking the life of me to say it!"

 

Kyungwon dives in, not even minding the way her body's temperature is responding to the pool's. Her only wish is to hold her, close because she's been missing Minkyung too much and it's damn time they break this stupid distance and settle down their goddamn feelings for each other.

 

It is the first time Kyungwon realizes the water wasn't the one responsible for calming her all these years. It was Minkyung, solely her, and the pain of not having her could never have been ignored by just swimming away.

 

The water calling her was her heart longing for Minkyung.

 

"Can you say you'll stop ignoring me now?" Kyungwon asks her, still not letting go. By the time she actually wants to, her fingers might fall off of her hands.

 

"Your hands are on my hips, so yeah- can't really ignore that.." Minkyung jokes around, but she's pretty sure Kyungwon's arms are the only place she wants to live in currently.

 

"You naughty little thing."

 

"Hey, I want kids you brat. Only way to get them is getting down to business."

 

"I made a pretty good point previously then.."

 

Minkyung rolls her eyes; she feels like there's going to be a lot of that in the future, and pokes Kyungwon's cheek.

 

"Just freaking kiss me." Her voice is annoyed, but her eyes are smiling.

 

Kyungwon pretends to make a move, but doesn't.

 

"If I kiss you on the corner of your mouth will you run away again?" Kyungwon's tone makes her question sound like a truthful one, but Minkyung knows she's just playing.

 

"If you kiss me on the corner of my mouth I'm gonna slap you."

 

Kyungwon does make a move for the exact same place she kissed once before a long time ago, but Minkyung's lips are too tempting to resist, and she kisses her for the very first time. It feels like her heart has started competing on a race, because it starts beating inside its rib cage, ticking like a bomb. Kyungwon can't help herself but feel slightly anxious that something, or someone, is going to interrupt their moment, but the only thing that happens is Minkyung kisses her harder and every inch of her is perfectly warm.

 

Kyungwon pulls away first, staring deep into Minkyung's eyes and falling on her endless gaze.

 

"Are you gonna return to the team?" She asks in a hoarse voice, practically begging.

 

"If I do I'll end up getting in a fistfight with your coach. I'm sorry Kyungwon, I love you, but I can't come back. It's been heavy on me… but I'll always support you. Don't quit because of me."

 

She nods, understanding. As much as it's sad to see Minkyung giving up on the team, she doesn't blame her for a second. And, there's also her own heart pounding for having heard the word love.

 

"I love you too. Always did."

 

And she kisses her again, because there's been enough moments of them separated and Kyungwon doesn't want any more.

 

[...]

 

"Cannonball!!!" Eunwoo jumps into the pool, splashing everything and everyone within ten feet of the pool. Kyulkyung even complains, but she knows there's nothing she can do, so she just dries the water on her face and continues to enjoy her cold drink.

 

It's sunny outside. Yebin, Kyla, Siyeon and Nayoung are playing Uno, and Nayoung's one minute away from throwing the unnie card because the evil maknaes are too experienced in the game. Also, Yebin is not really helping.

 

Sungyeon is teaching Yewon how to play a song in her guitar, leaning over the girl and guiding Yewon's fingers with her own hands. Minkyung raises eyebrows at this as she walks beside her for a moment, and Sungyeon throws her a deadly stare.

 

Minkyung just laughs and walks toward the place where Kyungwon is standing. She's taking care of the BBQ, and Minkyung surrounds the girl's body with her arms, chin resting on her shoulder.

 

"Hey, you."

 

"Hey there, yourself. How are the girls doing?" Kyungwon asks, flipping a burger.

 

"Great. Although I don't know why you brought the Uno. Do you want a fight to break out because plus four cards?" Minkyung pulls her away from the hot grill for a moment, waltzing with Kyungwon until they're face to face. There's almost zero distance between their faces, and that's how they like it, anyway.

 

"Yes! That's exactly what I want? How did you know?" Kyungwon asks sarcastically, which causes Minkyung to snort, shaking her head slightly.

 

"Because I can read that pretty little mind of yours."

 

Their bodies are swaying like they're at prom or something, even though the songs blasting on the speakers are nothing short of uptempo.

 

"Really? And what is it saying now, if I may ask?" Kyungwon is guiding her toward the water, but Minkyung plays along. Every single girl is staring at them now, some with envy and adoration in their expressions, others faking disgust.

 

"That you want to do things to me." Minkyung teases her, nudging Kyungwon's nose with her own. "That you want to love me."

 

"I already love you." Kyungwon smiles, and grabs Minkyung in her arms like it is nothing. "But it's true, I wanna do things to you." There's a slick smile in her face.

 

The tall girl jumps, Minkyung still in her arms, and suddenly they're both drenched in water, clothes and all.

 

Minkyung is sorta mad, but as soon as Kyungwon's eyes meet hers, she decides to let go of those feelings and holds her neck tighter, kissing her.

 

"I'll forgive you for this just this once." She whispers, her lips never fully parting from Kyungwon's.

 

She feels like she is floating, a far feeling from what she used to feel deep in her bones. And surely, Kyungwon feels the exact same, because Minkyung washes everything bad away like it is nothing. Sure, they're not perfect, but they are perfect in their own way, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Besides, none of them would have it any other way.

 

And deep inside their own minds, the depths have stopped calling.

 

 


End file.
